Wednesday, September 16, 2009

My shelf

Do you have a shelf, box, case, or bookshelf where you put things that are important to you? I do. I have a shelf that I put my most precious items on. In fact they go in a box, and I tie that box with a bow, and then I put them on the shelf. This shelf is very important in my life and it is necessary for my sanity. I know that my most precious items are safe when they are on that shelf. But I have some what of a problem. I take my stuff off the shelf and take them out of the box and I lose them (and my head).
This has been a big issue lately. Our future is one of those precious things that belongs in the box. With all of this applying to residency programs my mind has been consumed with the match process. Its something that I have no control over. But I cannot control myself, my mind is constantly drifting to the what-ifs of our future. And all this worrying has led to no good. I have had stomach problems in the past but they seem to have resurfaced. But part of me believes they are somewhat self-inflicted (or worsened) by the fact that I have become consumed by this whole process. But as I've already said, it is all out of my control. And it is no use worrying over things that may never happen. So tonight I am again putting all my worries, and thoughts about our future back in that precious box. I am tying it with a bow. And then I am placing it up on that high shelf. On that shelf it is in God's hands. I will let go, and trust in Him. All things are safe in His hands.
It is only a matter of time before I take it off the shelf again, but I suppose that is only part of being human. Thank goodness I have family and friends to constantly remind me to refocus, reevaluate, re-anchor and put the box where it belongs. On my shelf. Because I don't have control. And worrying won't help me gain any control.


C. said...

I like this, and completely understand. Call me if you ever want to talk / vent! :)

Bea said...

Feeling out of control is something I do NOT handle well. It's so hard during the match process. Hang in there. God is in control, and he takes better care of us than we could ever imagine. It's going to turn out beautifully, just you wait and see :)

Ams said...

I am the same way... I am HATING not having control over this process and just wish that match day was YESTERDAY! That would be helpful.

S and I got into it last night about all of the unknowns and I became really frustrated...

In the end you are right, give it to God and he will handle it for us. Things will work out just the way they are supposed to!